Friday, May 22, 2009

Spring Thoughts

I hope everyone had a very Happy Mother's Day! This was my best moment that day, when my 5 year old came in after saying "I look good" and checking himself out in the mirror. Then running back upstairs with the card he made me. Oh how that blessed my heart!

I am really sorry for not blogging recently. I have been working on not being a computer zombie since we got the system revamped and back online. What a mess things were for a while trying to get tons of paperwork settled and sorted. I would take a bag to the library for a full month filled with bills, papers and other random things I needed to look up and take care of online. It really goes to show how much the internet helps us but also keeps us so busy! You know what I have discovered in my mini-internet break though? I am becoming more willing to get outdoors, appreciating and touching my flowers and plants daily. Gardening on my own is amazing, refreshing and breathing life in me! Here is a picture of some of my flowers I so proudly grew!

Something I recognized a long time ago is that I often feel like I fall short in so many ways. I am betting I am not the only one. A dear friend of mine loaned a book on cd called Captivating and it is really opening my eyes to who I am created to be in Christ. I grew up believing that if I thought I was beautiful that was vanity, so if I was ever complimented I would reject the information so as to not get a "big head". It was a couple of years ago that another precious friend of mine sent me the girliest, prettiest, pinkest birthday package I had ever received in my life. It was amazing what that gift did to brought me to tears recognizing that while I longed to be a girly girl, I had rejected that side of myself. I cried for days and touched and longed at the box of pretties wondering how I was worthy, wondering where that femininity had been tucked away and how long it had been missing. I wore a beautiful white dress on my wedding day and felt lovely, but I wasn't a girly girl. I had two children that God blessed me to bear but I wasn't (in my eyes) a beautiful example of a woman. How do we get to this place?

We can blame a lot of factors especially these days with every magazine saying Hey, do it better, be more disciplined, do it in 7 days, lose weight, keep your looks, stay fit, cook a meal, roll your eyes at your husband because YOU do it all! Isn't that what society points us to these days? We don't need those husbands other than to help us buy the things WE want and of course to heat up the bed every night. I want to encourage you ladies, protect your marriage, it is being sought after by so many angles these days! My heart cries out to the younger generations as the girls are becoming the leaders in relationships only because they are missing out on the true treasure God has for be sought after, romanced, loved, protected and not have the hunter instincts that he gave more to men than to women. My husband was the first man, admittedly, that I gave absolutely NO signals to about my feelings. I had finally come to the realization that I needed to be sought after, longed for and needed. My husband is a very outgoing man but when it comes to women he is shy. This was a huge step for him to take because he wanted me so much he moved out of his comfort zone to pursue me. Amazing isn't it? We believe that we need to help fix things, but in this very scenario while I wondered if I was worth it, indeed if you want something bad enough, you will do anything to get it. My husband sheepishly asked to hold my hand. He kissed me and then walked away because I am sure it was about all he had in him to be bold enough to walk up to me and do that out of the blue.

But do you want to know the most important factor in all of that? Being pursued made me feel loved in such greater ways than simply having him say it to me after I said it first. We have a strength in our marriage that I know God instilled because we were meant to be together. We also have a covenant in our marriage because for the first time we both felt like we had a relationship that was the way God intended it...

While getting off on that I have to share with you that there have been some major things happening in our lives right now. Some good friends of ours very quickly went from a 20 year marriage to a devastating relationship ordeal that is messy, heartbreaking and pains ME even though it isn't my marriage. It hurts to see how badly things in people's lives can get and how quickly it can happen as well. While we try to counsel them and support, there is no line to know where to befriend and where to back off and stay out of it. At the same time, our blended family has gone through some worldly opposition I will say. Which has shifted our family dynamic a bit with our teenager and his "rights". Not to mention younger siblings observing and losing respect for the family as well, making us as parents work harder, feel completely unappreciated and detached. In the midst of all of that, instead of blogging, I have been working hard to stay connected with my husband and scriptures to stand on to keep us rooted in our foundation of faith and not wavering with the circumstances.

I am truly believing that God is with us through these trials and heartaches. I ask for your prayer to support us right now and please be patient as I do still have big plans for this blog and events to come. We just have some things to focus on right now that we need to prioritize.

We are thankful that this weekend we are headed to KC to see my family and visit my grandmothers again. They are 80 and 90 so we have gone 3 times this year so far to visit them. I will return to blogging next week. I hope you all have a wonderful long weekend, get outdoors, enjoy creation, enjoy your family and thank God for men and women that have fought for our freedom.

Many Blessings!


Stacy said...

Good to hear from you again. Lovely flowers! I am hoping to work in my gardens this weekend. Enjoy your holiday & trip!

Anonymous said...

Don't you love pink girly gift packages-- Fun!
Have a great weekend! Thank God for our service men and women!!! They need appreciation....

Kasey said...

Sarah, what a fabulous post!
I fully agree that we as women need to work at our marriage, no matter what.
I think as women we tend to lose ourselves because of our children and we sink into "mom" hood.
at some point we need to put ourselves first and know that we are pretty, we are beautiful inside and out.
When we take care of ourselves first, we are in hand taking care of our families also.